2010-03-03

The Effects of Chaos

One of my all time favorite books is Chaos by James Gleick - it is an interesting study of how things move and change, how unpredictible life and nature truly are {the chaos theory}.  One thing Mr Gleick never covered in his book is the chaos of family, of parenting, of toddlerdom {that's a word right?}


I am quite certain by now you all know that we are moving {if you somehow missed that...we are moving :) }  If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook you will know how stressed out I am over the whole thing.

In less than 2 weeks we are moving back in with my Mother-in-Law.  {don't worry I adore my MIL, we get along quite well}  Recently life took some very unexpected turns for us and we see some more bumpy roads up ahead.  We are trying to do what's right and find a way to weather these little storms, for now this means packing up and moving.

This move has been hard, draining.  We are not moving into an empty space, apartment, home.  We are moving into a home that has been lived in for the last 30+ years, a home that is in a state a repair, a home that we must help rearrange and repaint and repair before we move in.

And so enters the chaos.  Daddy going to MILs with the boys a couple nights a week to keep working while Mommy goes home alone and tries to pack.  Camping out on mattresses and sofas and air-beds while trying to finish bathrooms and bedrooms on the weekends.  Late nights for everyone.

Mommy is stressed, so she eats, she doesn't sleep, she types and she connects with friends who help her, and listen.

Daddy is stressed, so he plays hockey, does extra soduku puzzles, has a beer with a friend, sleeps a little more

Mommy and Daddy have outlets.

But my poor boys...

It really hit me tonight how much all this chaos is affecting my sweet little boys.  For the past three weeks I have not seen as much of them as I would like.  They have been shuffled and shuttled across our wee little state, between grandparents, and parents, and daycare.  They are tough little guys, and have taken it all in stride.  But it is starting to wear them down.  They need their routines, they need their stability.    Bedtime is suddenly very rough again - Jack no longer goes down very easily, and wakes up in the middle of the night crying for Mommy.  Tommy finds his way to our bed a little more often than before and fights to stay awake as late as he can to snuggle with us.  He fell when he tried to run to the car the other morning, crying he told me that he was yelling for me to wait for him, he thought I was going to leave without him. {my heart broke when he told me that}  Tommy cries for his cat, who has already moved in to MILs home.

I am sad to know that they will be leaving their beloved daycare, and their best friends behind.  They will no longer spend the day together, but will (for the first time since Jack was 4 months) be seperated because of their age.  I worry about the hurt this will cause them.

It breaks my heart to know that we have brought our boys to this place, that we have brought so much chaos into our lives.  I look back and try to figure out ways that I could have stopped this from happening.

I feel guilty.

Tommy is a trooper though - he has stepped up lately as big brother.  He makes sure Jack always has his blanket, his milk, his monkey.  He helps Jack down the steps to get to the car and tries to comfort him when he cries.  He likes to be silly and make us laugh, and is learning to do more to help us right now.

Jack is still my sweet funny little man.  He still loves to snuggle and be doted on.  He is happy to follow Tommy's lead and play with his big brother, but still forges his own path ahead.  He works hard daily to keep up with us all.

I am so sorry my sweet little boys for the chaos I have brought into your lives right now.  I can't wait for us to be moved in, I promise there will be many walks to the playground and to the carousel.  I promise that we will find a new routine and settle right in.  There will be new friends and new adventures.


You are two very resilient little men, and I know that you will come out on the other side of this just fine.  I know we all will.  


But still I am sorry for the chaos.

10 comments:

  1. (((Hugs)))

    They are going to be okay! It may not be the easiest transition for them; but...

    1 - It is not going to be a transition that lasts months and months and months. It will soon be over and new routines established.

    2 - They have two parents who are loving them through this change, and can take comfort in that.

    3 - They are learning, through your example, how to stick together through the tough times that always come in life, no matter what.

    You've been in my thoughts a lot. I haven't moved in 9 years, so it sounds pretty daunting to me. Hang in there! Try not to feel guilty (like any parent can avoid that one!). You are doing what you can to provide the very best home and life for your family.

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  2. Awww! I am sure it probably is difficult for them but it will all be over before you know it and they will have their routine back. Then it will just be a memory for you and they probably will not even remember this time. They are going to be just fine because their foundation hasn't changed just their location. :)

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  3. They will definitely be OK in the end, but I hope it's not too stressful for you all in the meantime!
    xo

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  4. i can imagine it's stressful! and props to you for recognizing your kids in all of it. i 'know' some other moms who don't recognize things like that. you may 'know' her too. :0) ((i'm so a lurker on that site))

    praying it all works out fantastically and perfectly. :0) and yay for a good mil. i don't know if i could handle living with my mil!!

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  5. You all really are going through a lot. If I can tell you one thing it is this, I moved all the time as a kid. It was tough BUT I am a stronger person for it. I learned quickly to make friends and to form deep relationships. Your boys will cling to one another and to you. This is a good thing and it can strengthen your family bond.

    I don't know what caused all of this change but it sounds like you're making a difficult situation into a positive one. This too shall pass and once on the other side you will see the reason for all you are going through. Sending huge hugs your way!

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  6. I am seriously almost in tears reading this! Just know that kids are a lot stronger than we think they are and they adapt a lot better than adults could ever adapt!! You are doing what you have to for your family...and don't feel guilty about trying fix whatever it is that has broken! Just make sure you love them, and you will all be fine:) Good luck!

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  7. I'm your mamarazzi swap partner & just stopped by to say hi. Kids are amazing. I know the guilt too. Just know that chaos is inevitable in our lives but how we handle it gets to be our choice. It sounds like you're handling it wonderfully and your boys are doing all of the normal things boys do when there is change. Hang in there. As my mom always says, "These things have come to pass, not come to stay."

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  8. The good thing about young kids is that they are so resilent. In no time at all, they will have routine again, and they will slip right into and very easily forget about any "chaos" that they may have been in the midst of. The most important thing for them is that they are loved, and the bases are definitely covered there!

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  9. I don't have anything to add, but I think you are doing such an awesome job with them. What incredible and resilient little boys! :)

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  10. don't stress about the boys being in separate rooms at school, Liz. There will be plenty of kids that they can play with to keep them distracted, trust me. Also, if Jack or Tommy is upset, there is only a half wall dividing the two classrooms and there are no doors so either one of them can see another, assisted by a teacher of course. I'll keep a very close eye on them and make sure that they are happy! I PROMISE!

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